Summer Cerise
by urdreamkeeper
Summary: Jack decides to get a tan...naked, and he falls asleep in the sun.


Summer Cerise

Summary: Jack decides to get a tan.... naked, and falls asleep in the sun. 

Season: 6 because Jonas is in it

Spoilers: none, nada, nil, zip, zero, zilch. 

Rating: pg-13 for some nudity and language (all you shippers are probably just woo whooing all over the place at that one.)

Disclaimer: um, nope still not mine.

AAHHH. It was the middle of summer, and Jack had his first day off in weeks. Waking up to a hot summer sun, he jumped out of bed with surprising vigor for seven thirty in the morning. Walking over to the window, he looked longingly at his back yard. It looked pretty good today. He had come back from a mission with his team after about three weeks, and the grass was about knee high, so Jack had taken what light there was left the day before and mowed his lawn. He looked down at his feet to see if they were still green. Even a shower had not gotten rid of the grass stains on his feet. Sighing, Jack went downstairs.

After some eggs and toast for breakfast, the Colonel made his way out to the back porch with a good sized cup of coffee, (Daniel would have been proud), and sat in his favorite lawn chair. The sun beat down on his legs, and the birds were being obnoxious high in the trees, and already the sweat was running down his back. Jack looked at his watch. It showed 8am, and the Colonel couldn't help but wonder why the hell time was moving so slowly today. He decided that the coffee was too hot, and set it down on the little table next to him. He wondered what the rest of his team was doing today. Jonas and Teal'c had simply requested to stay at the base last night, and he and Carter had said their goodbyes as they had walked to the parking level together.

"What a gorgeous day!" Jack said out loud to the zipping bee around his head that was currently fixing to get swatted. With a heavy sigh Jack rose to go into the cool air conditioning to exchange his coffee for a cold glass of iced tea. He couldn't resist going back outside again. This time he grabbed his CD Walkman, and some Blues from his CD collection, and headed back out to the porch with his goodies. He placed his iced tea on the table and scooted the lawn chair to the middle of the yard. He quickly ran back inside to grab a blanket to cover the lawn chair, and a towel to wipe off the sweat.

"Oh yes, what a good day to have off." Jack said to himself as he put on his headphones. John Lee Hooker blared at him through the tiny speakers. Sitting for a few minutes, Jack decided that he was too hot to sit in the sun with his shirt on, so he took the headphones off, and followed with his shirt. Jack looked down at his chest and belly. The image of a raw turkey came to mind as he looked at how white his torso was.

"Ugh. I need a tan...bad. Christ, I look like the guy that played on _Powder_." Jack jumped up from his lawn chair, and ran back into the house. He finally found some very old suntan oil in the back of his closet in a box with his stuff for the beach. The box still had some of Sarah's things in it, which told him just how long it had been sitting there. He grabbed the oil and kicked the box back to the back of the closet. He wasn't going to let anything spoil his day. He literally skipped back out to the lawn chair, and his awaiting glass of iced tea, and his Walkman.

He started to sit back down, and then glanced around him. The nearest neighbors were only a quarter of a mile away, but Jack knew trees surrounded his entire property. He had an idea, and besides, nobody would even know. After all, he couldn't have only half of his body get tan. Jack stripped off his shorts to reveal only what God had graced him with. Grabbing the bottle of suntan oil, he squirted it down his legs, and rubbed it in. Then he moved upwards, rubbing oil on his bum, and lower back. Then he reached up as high as he could go on his back, and just squirted a whole bunch over his shoulders to cover the parts that he missed. He rubbed some more oil on his chest and stomach, and saved his arms and neck and face for last. Wiping his hands on the towel, he took a swig of tea, and put on his headphones again.

Jack carefully laid the blanket out over the chair, and laid the back to the chair all the way down. He laid face up in the chair, and closed his eyes and listened to his music. The sun immediately started to work its hypnotic effects on him. The Colonel was trying to think about anything to keep himself awake. 

After sometime, Jack opened his eyes to look at his watch. It now read 10:30 am. He looked down at his torso. Everything looked just slightly red, which was a good sign that he wasn't burning. Jack had always tanned fairly easy, but he had never tanned naked before. He glanced carefully down at his equipment. Good, not burned there either. That would totally suck. Taking another drink of tea from his glass that was covered in sweat, Jack relished the peace and quiet, and the blinding light that the sun created, making him squint.

"AAAHHHhhhh! Oh this is great. I haven't laid in the sun forever." Jack rolled over on his belly and felt a breeze blow over his oily backside. He put his hands up at the top of the chair to either side of his head, and laid his head down to the right, so that only the right side of his face was up to the sun. The mellow tones of John Lee swam around in his head for a little while, and then Jack didn't see, hear, or feel anything for quite some time.

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Meanwhile, back at the SGC....

"Sir, we can't reach Colonel O'Neill. He doesn't answer his house phone, cell phone, or even his base pager. Should we go to his house and see if he's there, General? He knew that we are on the mission schedule for tomorrow, so he probably just went out to work in his garden or something and turned off all the phones." Sam couldn't help be just a slight bit worried, after several attempts at raising the Colonel had been for naught.

"I am in agreement. O'Neill once threw the battery to my cellular phone in the grass while on a fishing trip two years ago, after I received a call from Daniel Jackson asking me for a Goa'uld translation. I do believe that he would temporarily eliminate all communications to the SGC so that he would not be bothered. If you wish General Hammond, I will accompany Major Carter to Colonel O'Neill's residence to retrieve him." Teal'c had to put in his two cents worth. That incident with the phone battery still angered him to his day.

Jonas pitched in.

"General Hammond, is this really an emergency? Maybe we should just wait until the Colonel gets here in the morning, before telling him."

"Well, Jonas, you are correct in that it's not an urgent situation, but new refugees at the Alpha site, who were NOT previously authorized, could be a possible breech of security. And unless he's out of commission, it's part of Colonel O'Neill's duty as second in command here at the SGC to oversee any new developments that deal with the Alpha site. So in answer to your question Major, yes I would like SG-1 to go and inform Colonel O'Neill of our new alpha site citizens, and also to inform him that he has to report for duty as soon as possible. Thank you, you're dismissed." General Hammond left the control room to head to his office.

Sam, Jonas, and Teal'c changed clothes, and met at the elevators.

"So what do you think has happened to the Colonel?" Jonas was puzzled, as Colonel O'Neill was always on base, and if he wasn't then he was with them.

"I believe he is probably watching the television, or sleeping. I do not believe any harm has come to him." Teal'c had been around O'Neill long enough to know what his habits were like.

"I just hope he's okay." Was all that Sam would contribute.

The team reached the surface, and headed for the number four government car to go find out why their CO wasn't answering the phones.

************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

It was now 3:30 pm, and Jack's Walkman just kept looping the CD over and over again. He was in a deep sleep, with a gentle breeze still blowing across his naked body. He was in a dark, wonderful bliss. He didn't hear the car that pulled up in his driveway, or the three doors that slammed shut after the engine had been cut off.

Sam had always taken over the leading position whenever her CO wasn't around, as she had now. The three walked up to the front door. Sam knocked, a little harder than she meant to.

"COLONEL!!!!!!!" Nothing but the singing of the birds, and silence from within the house. Jonas tried.

"Colonel O'Neill SIR!!!" Jonas stared at the door waiting for the Colonel to open it. Again, nothing.

Sam tried the handle to the door.

"It's locked, let's try the back door." Sam led Jonas and Teal'c around to the back yard.

She stopped so suddenly, that Teal'c almost ran her over, and Jonas ran into the back of Teal'c. They were like dominoes. Sam couldn't even speak. A grin spread across her face that was as big as the Stargate itself.

"Major Carter, what?...." Then Teal'c noticed too. And so did Jonas.

Jack lay in the middle of his lawn, face down in his lawn chair, asleep with his headphones on... completely and totally naked. Sam felt herself blush, but there was a reason that she, or Teal'c or Jonas just couldn't turn away. Besides the fact that they were getting a view of their CO's backside, they were getting a very RED view of their CO's backside. The Colonel was sunburnt from his head to his feet. A deep, blistering purplish red color covered the entire backside of his body. Jack lay in the chair completely asleep, and snoring softly.

"Ohh that's gonna hurt when he wakes up." Jonas was the first to speak.

Teal'c grinned too. "Indeed. Major Carter, should we awaken him?"

That did it. Sam snapped out of her trance, and turned so she could avert her eyes.

"Yeah, Teal'c, you and Jonas go wake him up, I'm going to call Janet, and tell her to come over with some infirmary staff, and an ambulance just in case. I think he might be spending a couple of days in the infirmary.... at least until he starts to peel that is." Sam kept smiling as the image of Colonel O'Neill's bum still played in her head. 

"Well I'd say that puts him out of commission, like General Hammond said, wouldn't you?" Jonas said to Teal'c as they headed over to wake Jack up. Sam dialed the number for the base infirmary.

******************************************************************************************

Janet and Sam stood about twenty yards away, as members of the SGC infirmary, along with Teal'c and Jonas, led a very crispy Colonel to an awaiting ambulance. The girls stared helplessly at Jack who was almost stark white on one side, and flame-red on the other side. Even his face had been burnt, just on the right side, and the left was hardly red at all. He wore the towel that he'd brought outside around his waist, but the rest of his body was still uncovered. Jack walked painfully to the steps of the ambulance, and was helped up by Teal'c. He didn't know that Sam and Janet were watching him

"Hey Jan, what color do you think that was?" Sam asked her friend, giggling like a little girl, as the doors to the ambulance closed.

"I don't know Sam, Burgundy?" Janet was giggling now too.

"Magenta?" Sam shot back.

"Chartreuse?" They were now howling with laughter.

"No wait I got it!" Sam snorted. " It's Cerise. I bought Cassie a box of 96 Crayola crayons, and I remember that color!" The girls couldn't wait to get back to the base with this one.

"That's pretty good Sam." Janet countered. "Cerise. I like it. I'll have to use that one in my report!" 

Just as the ambulance was pulling out of the driveway, the Colonel happened to glance out of the back windows. To his amazement, Carter and Frasier were standing back there laughing at something. The realization hit, and Jack turned to stare at Teal'c in surprise.

"You brought Carter?! Did she see me? Why didn't you tell me?" Jack started to throw up his hands in an upward gesture, and was immediately stopped by the pain in his shoulders.

"You did not ask O'Neill." Teal'c responded.

Jack could feel the left side of his face get red to match the right. He briefly wondered what color it was. He couldn't think of anything, but he'd bet that Sam had a name for his new color. Sam had a name for everything, for crying out loud.

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So what did you think? Review and let me know. Thanks for reading! 


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